Friday, June 03, 2005

"The Most Fun I've Had Without Lubricant"

Last night was our second Scary Movie Night of the summer. (We watched the original Amnityville Horror during SMN#1; favorite quote was "I'm not a pink-cheeked seminarian who doesn't know the difference between the supernatural and a bad clam.") Tasha, Alanna and I ordered in Chinese and attempted to find the "scariest movie known to man." We tried for the Exorcist, but alas, three video stores later and no Exorcist. So we settled on Boogyman, starring Barry Watson (unfortunately for him, better known as Matt from 7th Heaven) and Saw.

Something movie producers need to learn: Just because you SAY it's the "scariest movie of all time" does not make it so. And Barry Watson cannot act himself out of a paper bag. And he needs to wash his hair. And remove his testicles from his anus. Actually, growing a pair of testicles in the first place might be beneficial. Halfway through, we decided we needed to be drunker, faster. Hence the following drinking game to be played during SMNs.

Drink when:
1. The car won't start
2. The characters run upstairs instead of out the door
3. Normal people ask "What's wrong?"
4. A bizarre child/creepy pet appearance
5. Sex immediately prior to attack by killer or supernatural
6. Creepy music ends in door slamming or other loud, abrupt noise
7. Omens of death appear (dead bird, T-storms, blowing curtains, etc.)

This made Boogyman MUCH more bearable. However, even five drinks into the night, Barry Watson still can't act and we just started drinking every time he said something dumb, exhibited poor acting skills or spoke. And last night, instead of nightmares about the evil lurking in my closet, I had nightmares about 7th Heaven. That says something about the quality of that movie.

Saw was next. And truthfully, I'm not really sure what happened. I think I felt the plot was a little shaky and the ending was sort of abrupt. But the movie redeemed itself with the quote used as the title of this post. How great is that? I think it's going to be my new overused phrase. "Studying for this exam is the most fun I've had without lubricant!" Or, "Gosh, I love the zoo! It's the most fun I've had in years without lubricant!"

No comments: