Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Annual Disorientation

This post is a repeat of last October and then the October before that, but I can't help it.  I cycle through this emotion each year that I live in Arizona.  It's my SAD.  But every fall, I become disoriented in both time and space with the static weather.  I'm still running my air-conditioner even though The Simpson's Halloween specials are running during the 10-o'clock hour.

At no other time of the year does the shimmering heat of this city in the sun bother me.  I soldier through the stickiness of late July and August with the best of them and a smile on my face.  But just as everyone else is thinking of hot apple cider, fall leaves and pumpkin donuts, I'm thinking, "Holy shit, why is the pool closed!?"  I still operate as if it is summer, but it's actually nearly November and autumn is firmly in place.

CEWG saw fall leaves for the first time when we were in Virginia last week for Roommate Barbara's wedding.  We walked outside on a drizzly day and she saw the orange leaves floating along in the gutter.    A beautiful red maple caused her to shout, "Look, Mommy, that tree is on fire!"  Autumn is my favorite time of year.  I love the smells of wet leaves, damp earth, the chill in the air as the sun sets earlier and nights grow longer.  The smell of woodsmoke curling through the trees bringing memories of marshmallows, cold noses and frost on a windowpane.

Every year, the holidays sneak up on me.  I have elaborate plans to decorate, bake, craft and carve, but every year, as I continue to sweat my way through November, I forget because it still feels like August and suddenly, it is too late.  This year, it will be different.  I am going to try to put effort into making the season one to be jolly, to hold those I love close, to find something to celebrate in a big way, to remember to turn my face up to the blinding sun and say a prayer of thanks that despite 90-degree heat through November, at least I don't have to scrape ice off my windshield in the morning.


EmmaJewel said...

Hi there, I just came across your blog and had to respond - late autumn through mid-spring is my SAD time too. Never diagnosed, but I know my mood changes drastically as the sun becomes less and less prominent in the sky. Living in North Dakota doesn't help either - leave for work in the morning in the dark, get home from work in the dark - even though I work day hours (8a-5p). It's absolutely cold outside but with the heat on inside I always forget that there's little to no sunshine and therefor little to no heat outdoors.
Hopefully we won't have a LOT of dark winter days this year - even ten minutes of sunlight and fresh air does me SO much good!
Good luck through the winter, I know where you're coming from!

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Vince said...

Don't get sad, take the uv hit with 10 minutes in a tanning bed on low. once a month or as needed. it helps

Anonymous said...

I think your AZ "fall" disorientation is the same as my NL "summer" freak-out. I don't mind wet, grey weather 9 months of the year, but when it's supposed to be summer, please let it be summer, dammit! I really hate the summers here and usually have a major depressive episode with psychosis (ok, maybe exaggerating just a tad) somewhere in September when I realise that the summer that could have been will never ever arrive now.
Have a joyous festive season!

Katy said...

I am really enjoying reading through your blog archives! We share many similar feelings and frustrations...but I love the eloquent way you express yourself. Keep writing when you can!

I recently became a mother and I am finding that writing and "creativeness" is so hard to fit in to my day but when I stifle this side of my brain/soul/life it is so much harder to do the dishes or curb my impatience with my little man. Life can be so hard to balance sometimes!

Look forward to your future posts!

never a rebel said...

Hi. I'm from AZ too. I came here about 4 yoars ago. I feel the same about the weather, but maybe I don't always have a smile on my face though the HEAT of summer. "You will get used to it," people say. But that hasan't occured yet.

vikas said...


tlaw said...

Very descriptive, I also have issues such as adapting to seasons, but I am in a mild part of the country!

Get yourself some sweat gear atleast that will suck up the sweat if you are one. :)

NIBIN P B said...

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