Spring is in the Air!

No, I'm not crazy and, no, my seasons aren't mixed up. But the beginning of fall here in Arizona always feels like spring to me. A breath of cooler air blows in, washing the hottness way, making everything in its path just feel more alive. I've always felt a sense of ending to fall, but here, October feels like a new, fresh beginning. Lovely, really.

Today, I got to sleep in for the first time in over a week. I didn't wake up until 10:30; it felt so luxurious laying there, stretched out under the blanket with the sunlight streaming in through open window shades. There's a brisk warm breeze outside, making the trees sway and few white clouds high in the sky.

God, I love it here. Sorry, East Coast, you will never have me back!

Poor POOR Bride

The latest email from Tasha, friend extraordinaire, always looking out for me:

EB,
First, I'd like to say, I had not heard the excitement about your wedding before you told me about the gift registry. That said, I've gotta tell ya....YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR SOME BIG STUFF!!!!!
I took a look at your registries, and I can potentially see one person getting you several things at once. (ok, I would get you several of those things--- not expensive!) None of your gifts are big ticket items that you and Cliff wont want to buy for yourselves. In fact, I didn't see anything over $280! Andmost things were under $60! (thhhwummp....the sound of future brides fainting everywhere!)
I know...you want to make the giving easier on the givees. But for MY sake, you could have asked for some HUGE luxury item just to see if someone would buy it. This is your chance to get some really awesome shit.
Of course, I'll still be getting you something inexpensive, but think of the others! haha
And you could have put in some weird crap too, just to see if someone would buy it. (can you see the look on Grams face when she sees you registered for a lifetime supply of condoms?!? or maybe men's underwear and a tire pump?)
Live it up girlie! This is your last chance at big-time gifts until...until...you die???????
Loving you glam bride,
T

This said, I'm now thinking of registering for that cool Crate&Barrel bed. Or maybe starting a "personal" registry on Victoria's Secret or Sephora.....don't worry, Tasha. I'll get right on that!

Titty Hard-On, or, What Other Words Can TA Stand For?

Yes, I know that I'm about six years older than the average freshman and no, I don't know why I'm taking freshman biology, but I do really like it. It's *fun* taking hard science classes after all the social science bullshit.

Anyways, my lab TA is really cool. She's probably just a year or two older than me, so I feel....more in touch with her than with my lab partners. Her arms and back are covered in tattoos, her face is pierced and is getting married in October. I am pretty sure I have the biggest Girl Crush of my life on her.

Yesterday, I walked into lab. TA was wearing this light blue, tight cami-top. It was totally see-through. As in, I could see both the outline of her aerolas and nipples through the sheer blue. And, on her right nipple, I could see the outline of a tiny barbell piercing.

I felt like a man. I could not stop staring at her breasts. They were amazing. Perfectly small, perfectly shaped, perfectly pert. Gorgeous. I felt jealous, but mostly I still felt like TA is the coolest TA a girl could ever ask for.

Looking Professional, or, Another Reason to Spend $

My loans have come through for the semester and I am again the proud owner of thousands of dollars. My loans are not as important for my survival this year, as I am working a good job and actually make money. However, the loans are important for maintaining my wardrobe.

Tucson has corrupted me. I looked in the mirror and realized that I ONLY wear flip-flops, despite having an entire shoe department in my closet. I can't remember the last time I actually looked *good* (Jennifer & Matthew 8.13.05 excepted). And I am almost 25-years old. It is high time I sucked it up and started dressing professionally, at least some of the time.

So, I today I did what every girl should do. I went shopping for hours, six hours to be exact. I bought an entire wardrobe of nice, but not too nice, clothing. Most purchases were from The Gap or other like-minded stores, so none of the purchases were too adventureous. I am excited about looking a little more put-together and a little less schlub.

However, we shall see just how long this *professionalism* lasts, considering I have an 8 am freshman bio MWF.

Wish me luck.

Jennifer & Matthew 8.13.05

Ah. Summer is drawing to a close, back-to-school commercials are all over the TV ("I like backpacks, I cannot lie!); the streets and Targets of Tucson are clogged with the new freshmen and their panicking parents. Traffic has increased three-fold. For reasons partially unbeknownest to me, I am taking freshman biology. I had to leave my hospital and medical campus to push my way through the hordes of children on main campus, fighting for the last copy of the Bio181 textbook.

Even though there is no fall here and it's still 100 degrees, something in the air has shifted--an energy of anticipation, of clean notebooks, unused textbooks and new faces around campus.

It's good to be home.

However, it was good to be at Jennifer & Matthew. The weekend was crazy busy, but fun. Jen managed to avoid Bridezilla, never once stamping her feet and demanding, "Make me a princess, but more sophisticated!" In fact, I think Jen might have actually been the calmest one on the wedding day. The highlight of the day was when the Wedding Planner Janelle asked us bridesmaids if we were wearing panties. Apparently, she's had many a bridesmaid pass out from "emotion and heat." And not wearing panties is a no-no when passing out. No one needs to see that---talk about stealing the thunder.

Jen looked beautiful and bridal. I cried when her dad handed her off to Matt. I cried when Michael Canestroni gave his toast. I tried my damnedest to get drunk, but it was tough as the night wore on since I was sweating the drinks out as soon as I drank them. I didn't pee for eight hours, despite the amount of liquid poured down my throat.

All in all, the wedding was a successful party, despite the heat and humidity. It was fabulous to see old friends--just wished the night could have gone on and on and on and on......

The Long Grow Out

I stupidly got my hair cut and I hate it. It's about shoulder-length (it was down my back before) with charming red highlights.

I look like I'm 12.

I thought shorter hair was suppose to make people look older, not younger, until I realized the hair cut is an exactly replica of the one I had in 6th grade.

Talk about perpetuating the insecurities that went with big glasses and braces.

I'm starting the Grow Out immediately

A Long July

So. It got pointed out to me (again) that I suck.

My "International Health: Community and Clinical Practice" is finally over. THAT was an experience from hell, yet I somehow managed to learn tons (probably because of the ... *gasp* ... five hours of studying a night!). I can put IVs into anyone who wants one (without bruising). I can perform a symphisiotomy (spelling??) on a woman whose pelvis is too small to pass the fetus. And I can even pull teeth.

Trust me?

Apologies

Dear Sorority Sister Cristin,
This one's for you!

I apologize for my serious lack of blogging in the last few weeks. I really have no excuse except that Dawson's Creek presented a much more pleasant alternative than rehashing my rather mellow life. And I would just like to say, once and for all (now that I'm halfway through Season 4), that Dawson is a complete tool, entirely self-absorbed, and it is so obvious from the get-go that he wanted Joey to be someone that she was not and that is why she chose Pacy, as she should have. And isn't it a little weird that two of the girls have boys' names?

I digress. Actually a lot has happened these past few weeks. We had another SMN with The Exorcist and Identity. The Exorcist scared the living poo out of me and SMN were put on hold for a few weeks until I could sleep alone without crying about Capt. Howdy. They're resuming tonight, but we've decided to do one scary movie with a comedy. I'm renting tonight, so it's going to be Monty Python's The Meaning of Life and probably some B-movie. Anything so I don't cry anymore.

We also ventured out to the movie theater and saw Madagascar, in honor of my friend Jim who revisted his Peace Corps site for a month and has returned home a wee bit thinner. The movie was decent ("If you have any poo, now is the time to fling it!") and I have become fascinated with Fossa (FOO-sa).

Unfortunately, I have been sleeping alone alot because the Med Student got a horribly infected bug-bite on his wrist and rather than be responsible about it, he put it off until it got disgusting (there is a more medical term for it--cellulitis, I think) and we spent Sunday afternoon in the emergency room at St. Mary's. The antibiotics made him even more ill, so we've been sleeping separately for a few days. Capt. Howdy's having a field day in my bedroom.

Gotta get back to work, but next installment...domestic violence and Somalia.

Easy Summer Livin', or, Late 1990s Television

Classes have been over for almost a month now and I have sunk into the useless existance that is summer break. My life is ruled by the television, much like how my zodiac sign is ruled by Jupiter. I like to wake up by 9 so I can fit in Maury (*I slept with two cousins--which one's my baby daddy?!*) and then continue through until early afternoon television when I put in a DVD. Right now, I am plodding my way through the Lord of the Rings trilogy and it is just so....long. I know the movies are supposed to be cinematic masterpieces, blah blah blah. But god. Did you HAVE to make all of the characters' names so difficult to understand. Sometimes when they speak, I have absolutely no idea what the characters are saying. And I even read the books.

I've discovered I like watching television shows on DVD better than I do movies. I can pay partial attention while I either work or surf the internet. I've already gotten through all the available DVDs of Scrubs, Felicity, the OC and my new quest is to get through all the Dawson's Creek DVDs by the end of July. I'm halfway done with Season 2 and only begun in earnest. Any other suggestions would be higly appreciated. ( I tried Twin Peaks, but couldn't get into it. Toook too much concentration to know what was going on.)

Let the summer continue!

The Teeth

The Teeth

The Boy

The Boy

The Bling

The Bling

A Harelip, A 'Tard and a Blindy, or, The Slowest Movie Known to Man

I would like to make a note about SMN#2. Apparently, I was so drunk, I remember nothing about the actual plot of the movie Saw. Tasha went back to watch the movie again and said it was much more interesting and easy to follow without the six glasses of wine and the amaretto/peach schapps/coke combo which made me gag, but I drank nonetheless.


Scary Movie Night #3 : The Village.
A movie where the three main characters all present some sort of physical deformity is never a good or particularly interesting. And I'd just like to say that I have some pyschic abilities when it comes to predicting scary movie plots (or maybe just M. Night Shylamalan films). I had heard nothing about the movie ending, yet totally managed to call it.

And it sucked. The movie sucked. There is no way that I will supsend my reality enough to believe that a blind girl is able to find her way out of "Covington Forest." Oh yes. And climb a fence into year 2000 Pennsylvania.

Just thinking about the plot is making me physically ill. I think I'm going to go tan out by the pool and futher my resolve to never again watch an M. Night Shylamalan film ever again since they forever disappoint me.

"The Most Fun I've Had Without Lubricant"

Last night was our second Scary Movie Night of the summer. (We watched the original Amnityville Horror during SMN#1; favorite quote was "I'm not a pink-cheeked seminarian who doesn't know the difference between the supernatural and a bad clam.") Tasha, Alanna and I ordered in Chinese and attempted to find the "scariest movie known to man." We tried for the Exorcist, but alas, three video stores later and no Exorcist. So we settled on Boogyman, starring Barry Watson (unfortunately for him, better known as Matt from 7th Heaven) and Saw.

Something movie producers need to learn: Just because you SAY it's the "scariest movie of all time" does not make it so. And Barry Watson cannot act himself out of a paper bag. And he needs to wash his hair. And remove his testicles from his anus. Actually, growing a pair of testicles in the first place might be beneficial. Halfway through, we decided we needed to be drunker, faster. Hence the following drinking game to be played during SMNs.

Drink when:
1. The car won't start
2. The characters run upstairs instead of out the door
3. Normal people ask "What's wrong?"
4. A bizarre child/creepy pet appearance
5. Sex immediately prior to attack by killer or supernatural
6. Creepy music ends in door slamming or other loud, abrupt noise
7. Omens of death appear (dead bird, T-storms, blowing curtains, etc.)

This made Boogyman MUCH more bearable. However, even five drinks into the night, Barry Watson still can't act and we just started drinking every time he said something dumb, exhibited poor acting skills or spoke. And last night, instead of nightmares about the evil lurking in my closet, I had nightmares about 7th Heaven. That says something about the quality of that movie.

Saw was next. And truthfully, I'm not really sure what happened. I think I felt the plot was a little shaky and the ending was sort of abrupt. But the movie redeemed itself with the quote used as the title of this post. How great is that? I think it's going to be my new overused phrase. "Studying for this exam is the most fun I've had without lubricant!" Or, "Gosh, I love the zoo! It's the most fun I've had in years without lubricant!"

Elisabeth 'N' Med Student, Sittin' in a Tree....

We're getting hitched!

It's been a week since the proposal and it's still a shock. The ring is still foreign and heavy on my finger (but in a really good, really obnoxious, really sparkly kind of way). I worry I'm going to lose it and that would be a tragedy, considering it's the most expensive thing I own besides my car (but I still don't actually OWN that much of my car yet, damn loan company!).

So yes. I'm excited. I mean, he's hot and I have the hots for him (like, his ass is so hot), but I'm really excited because I've found someone I can see myself living with forever and ever until I'm old and wrinkly and my teeth fall out. And that's what life is all about, right? :)

Waxing

I don't know what came over me last night (it seems to be a week of insanity). In a fit of craziness, I called my friends Tasha and Alana to see if they wanted to go see House of Wax on opening night.

I hate scary movies, yet routinely watch them. There's something so thrilling about feeling my blood run cold. Honestly, I view most of the movies through my fingers. There's always a lot of yelling and gasping, too, and I've been known to scream out loud in a movie theater before, so if you don't like the attention, suggest a romantic comedy. After watching The Grudge, it took me a week before I felt comfortable showering alone.

Anyways, I hadn't been out to the movies since Ocean's 12 and, after watching The View interview Paris Hilton, I got it into my head that I HAD to see the movie. I'm strangely fascinated with Paris--I think because I had no idea who she was prior to leaving for Kenya and then when I came back, she was everywhere! And the porn videos. Twice!

And her movie debut wasn't that bad. Well, she can't act worth a crap, but the movie itself wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. It's a much more traditional teen slasher flick. When Paris finally bit the big one, I expected someone in the audience to yell out, "That's Hot!" but to my disappointment, no one did. When I got home from the film, I called the Med Student, woke him up and made him come over to sleep with me. And unfortunately for me, he's in Phoenix tonight, so I'm home alone with no one but my cats (who, if faced with evil twins conjoined at the face, would most likely happily greet them at the door, expecting a treat).

So, now it's 1:09 am West Coast time and I'm anxiously awake and alone, to nervous to sleep...

The Famed Paris Poof

Just in case you were unsure about the Famed Paris Poof...here it is in all its glory. Actually, the more I look at her, the more I think maybe undergrads here at the UofA are really trying to emulate Paris in her entirety.

Paris Poof

Against my better judgement I went out on Weds evening. The next day (Thursday) was "Dead Day"--meaning no classes for the university. I got to the bar at 8, after picking Jim up on the way over. Parking downtown was a bitch, as usual, but we found a metered spot a few blocks from the bar where we were meeting people. I was wearing my usual flip-flops, a pink t-shirt that said Antiqua Funk (and sported a black woman with a huge 'fro) and my fat jeans. Oh yeah, and my library lady glasses.

The night started innocently enough, with a few of us grad students nursing a pitcher of beer, but quickly degenerated into a frantic, pulsating sea of under-dressed bodies and popped collars with Nelly and 50 Cent pounding in the background. Now, maybe it's the East Coast snob rearing it's ugly head in me, but, dude--fashion in the West needs a makeover. I mean, popped collars were in style when I was still in undergrad. Two years ago. Don't times change?

And holy shit. HOLY SHIT. I thought clubbing in Tucson was bad during the winter months. I forgot that summer in the city apparently means going as naked as possible. And I mean that literally. (I've passed girls going to class in their bikinis. Not a joke.) I've never seen such a combination of nude tits, ass, thighs and shoulders. AND, it was like the girls were having an anorexia competition. I swear, this one girl turned to the side and she all but disappeared, leaving the clear plastic beer cup floating in mid-air. Thin doesn't describe it. Neither does emaciated. Half of the girls weren't drinking--presumably too many calories--and had probably snorted their dinner shortly before leaving their apartments in their halter tops and eye shadow.

It's almost like these girls are trying way too hard. Or maybe I've just forgotten what it's like in undergrad. They all looked as if they came from the exact same cookie-cutter--all sporting the extra-black eyeliner and the blond Paris Hilton Poof (you know it). People are fashionable out East, no doubt. I mean, let's just look at New York. But it seems so effortless. When you go out there, it feels like people just look fab without trying. Here, "trying" is an understatement.

Perhaps I'm just bitter, since I was wearing my fat jeans. Or maybe my age is just kicking in. I know that I'm only a few years removed from that mindset, but after the stuff that's happened recently in my life, I feel like I am a world away from that scene.

It's a tough pill to swallow, but I'm not getting any younger.

Or blonder.

Acquired Catholic Guilt

So now I feel bad about my Pope Posting. I woke this morning and on all the morning news shows, the US pundits were weighing in on the new pope.... negatively.

Poor guy. He hasn't really even started his reign (?) and people are certain he'll be bad pope.

I should be nicer.

Pope, Round 1

Okay, it's time to saddle up my high horse and go for a quick canter around the block.

Pope Benedict XVI has been officially elected as the new head of the Catholic Church. A man who used to be a member of the Hitler Youth. One of the most fundamental Catholic Cardinals.

I'm really disappointed in the Church's choice. I would argue that the Catholic Church is the most influential entity in the world and the Cardinals had the chance to move the Church into the 21st Century...And they elected a man who says, homosexuals suffer from "an objective disorder"?? And a man who has alienated even Protestants by signing a document that declares the Catholic Church the only way to salvation?

I understand why the Catholic Church will be against homosexuality, seeing as the issue is directly mentioned in the Bible. I understand their stance on premarital sex--it's mentioned. I even can understand their stance against abortion. However, I cannot understand wallowing in those issues when the Church has the opportunity to enact some social change.

Take contraception. There is nothing explicit in the Bible about using condoms, which are scientifically proven to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases like HIV/AIDS--an epidemic which is ravaging the continent of Africa. Many women in Africa who are contracting HIV are not prostitutes, not having premartial sex, but are contracting the disease from their husbands. Within the sanctity of marriage. Where condoms could prevent them (and their children, because despite their serostatus, they will have children) from contracting a disease which will cause them to die. And why not use contraception as family planning? The close spacing of children is one of the major causes of malnutrion (both of mother and infants) and maternal death. That seems to be more unethical than collecting sperm in a latex baggie....

I'm not asking the Catholic Church to transform its theology--that would be untrue. But maybe instead of focusing on moral issues like homosexuality, the Church could make more of an effort to enact some social change, alleviate poverty, stop HIV/AIDS.

But the election of the one of the most fundamental cardinals to the Papacy? Diplomacy is a necessary component of being the leader of the Catholic Church. I hope "God's Rotweiler" is able to embrace the world.