Multiples

I think ABQ has multiple personalities.....
Exhibit A: June - Sept: Rained so much I thought I'd moved to Seattle.
Exhibit B: Dec - Jan: Snowed 20+ inches and thought I'd moved to Denver
Exhibit C: Jan: So windy I think I'm in Chicago

Obviously this city has no identity of its own.

Today, when I signed into blogger to update, I had 18 (that's right, count 18) comments waiting for "moderation." EIGHTEEN!!! All of these insanely wonderful, kind, sympathetic and hilarious messages left by my nearest and dearest scattered across this earth. I did not even realize the moderation was on. So I apologize for missing those comments, and yes, Faeline, that will be my next novel topic! You know, after you read this one....

Life in ABQ is going okay. I feel like I have a lot to write about, but I don't. Life is moving slowly. Life plods along through the sludgey snow piled on the side of the road.

We Wish You a Married Christmas

Well, the Doctor and I officially had a first Christmas together and it was quite marvelous. In the prior years, I've always flown back to the VA to be with my family for the week and he's gone back to L.A. to see his parents, so this year was our first together.

Before going to midnight mass, we lit luminarias down our porch, the candles flickering in the cold night. I haven't been to mass in years (yes, I know, we cafeteria Catholics do pick and choose) and this was my first time in ABQ. The priest has recently been promoted to monsignor, probably because he loves to hear himself talk. Oh my. The homily dragged on slower than a sloth. We didn't get home until 2 a.m., which is not an unusual time for us to go to bed on a weekend, but the fact we had been in chuch simply enhanced our sleepiness.

I got up at 10:30 and waited for the Doctor to roll out of bed. We peeked in our stockings (and gave the Roo her knuckle bone from Santa) before making mimosas and toasting Baby God Jesus a happy birthday.

I got resoundly drunk on champange while roasting the turkey, mashing the potatoes and fluffing the stuffing and actually remember very little of the meal, but the Doctor insists the food was delicious (the leftovers were top notch, if I do say so myself).

So yes, the first Married Christmas was wonderful, filled with light, love and a wee bit of shag-drunk-lovin'.

Dreaming of a Whiiiiiiite Christmas!

We had our first real snow yesterday. I have to say, it's odd to see the snow in the Southwest. I knew the weather tended towards snow and cold here, but the juxtoposition of ice and snow on cactus and adobe is just strange to my eyes.

Mistakes We Make

I'm beginning to wonder if that decision I made is going to affect me for the rest of my life.

I'm finishing a book now, The Memory Keepers Daughter. The basic premise is that a man makes a choice thinking he is doing the best for himself and his family, but it's an immoral choice, and he hides it from everyone but one person. The outcome of that decision haunts him for the rest of his life, destroys his family. You know, the typical "immoral secrets are a bitter poison" storyline.

But it got me thinking---what are the secrets in my life that could potentially haunt me? Have I made these decisions yet? Already, is a small secret, a choice, a decision, burrowing its way into my soul, making me bitter, unforgivable, angry? Has something I've already done begun to sour my future?

I can think of a few things.

Yuletide

This is our first Christmas Tree.

So. Cute.

So far the animal house has been good to the tree---only minimal knocking of ornaments and all the precious ones are to high for their little paws and noses to get to.

Roughly 49 to Go

I went to a sheep roast/camping trip at the family ranch of my dear friend BDH this past weekend with 20 or so of his closest friends/neighbors/work associates. I had an absolutely phenomenal time. Here's the scene:

Let me just say, fresh roasted sheep on an open spit is delish! Mouthwatering, really. So tender and rare. The only thing that fazed me for a BRIEF second were the hooves still attached to the legs in the pan. BUT that didn't stop me from eating the delicious thigh meat!!!!

So yes, the food rocked, not to mention the fun we had camping. BDH is in his thirties, so being slightly older than me means that many of his contemporaries have small children. So of course, there were lots of young children running around with dirty faces and bare feet, not wearing pants. Dogs (who normally probably look well groomed in their homes) fought over carcasses and growled at each other with a wild look in their eyes. At one point, after a few beers, we climbed a rickety old ladder into an old water tank and pounded out primal rhythms with our hands and chanted. The stars in the sky were amazing.

At one point in the night, someone brought out their guitar (and BDH pulled out his accordion) and we all stood around the fire and sang songs. And this old Tracy Chapman song got pulled out of my distant memory--"Talking About a Revolution."

And it hit me. This is what I am missing in my life. Revolution, social justice in a Real Way, not just the lip service I toss around in my politically correct world. My friends in Tucson are so...active and activists, working for change, full of idealism and ideas. I heard words and phrases tossed around that I had not heard since I left town---things like "sustainable development" and "straw-bale houses."

Where do I find that vibrancy here?

I have gotten complacent in my life, I think. I have become too self-righteous in my smug life, and I feel the tug of dissatisfaction. How is it that I no longer get my hands dirty in this world, but sit behind a desk and answer the telephone or on the couch watching TV?

Yes, I have a low income, I have financial responsibility, I have pets, I am busy. But these are not reasons for complacency. They are just excuses.

And I will not use them any longer.

This year has been hard. Living in a new, lonely city with a new husband who is gone more than he is home and a neurotic dog that eats everything is not ideal. But maybe what I am learning (every so slowly) is that life is never ideal, it just is. We all make compromises in our lives each and every day to do what we have to do to fill that void, whatever it is.

Like every year, I continue to be amazed at the generosity of my friends, who at this point are scattered across the United States. I rely on them for so much and so often, it feels like I am not able to adequately return the favor. You know who you all are and I love you so much.

So every year as my birthday nears, as I look back on my life, this year I am not satisfied. And so, I choose to look forward. I can no longer wait for my life to begin, but must begin to actually live it.

Today's Birthday Dec 1:
What a testament you are to your family. This year you take whatever legacy you were given and spiff it up until it shines. Accolades and applause follow! The winter smiles on your romantic realm. Your tenderness is appreciated. A February investment pays so well! Gemini and Aquarius people are contributors to your bottom line.

NaNoWriMo WINNER!

Life as I used to know it can resume!

I uploaded my final word count at 50,010.

I need a beer!

NaNoWriMo Day 29: The Final Hours

The final hours of National Novel Writing Month are dawning. It's almost over and I have just over 46K.

I can do it.

I might have to stay home from work tomorrow, but I can do it.

And let me tell you, being finished with this novel is going to be the best birthday present ever!

PS: Sorry for the insanely boring blogging as of late---this novel is sucking the life out of me and my writing.

NaNoWriMo Day 9: Fighting the Two-Week Slump

After Monday's emotional railroad, I feel a little sidelined in my writing. I didn't write on Monday and I've barely put any words on the screen since then. Word count currently hovers around 16K. It's nearing the end of week two and I need to be at 25K.

My novel is starting to NOT come together. I'm bored. My characters are annoying me, my dialogue feels stilted.

I did get new, ultra-adorable glasses yesterday though, which helped perk me up. The frames are a transparent blue/green plastic. At least I look cute writing.

A Day for Remembrances

Today is a significant day for me, reasons I won't go into.

But I wanted to say, I am ready to acknowledge this moment.

NaNoWriMo Day 3: The Word Count Rises.

I swore I wasn't going to update obnoxiously, but I'm so impressed with my word count that I had to boastingly post.

10,337. YES. Over 10K!! I'm officially 1/5 of the way finished on Day 3.

Off topic entirely. My lovely, long-lost high school friend Leslie recently posted on her blog a list of "Things to Do Before She Dies."

As many of you may know, I'm a secret fan of lists. Not lists like "To-Do" lists, but lists like, "My Top 10 Favorite Things to Do" and "Questions I Want to Ask God When I Die."

One of my lists is "Things to Do Before I Kick IT." Ironically, writing a novel has never appeared on my list (well, until now!). So far, I have accomplished exactly one thing on my list--SCUBA diving. (And yes, it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.)

But the rest of my list?
--ride a hot air balloon
--SCUBA the Great Barrier Reef
--Drive the Pacific 1 Highway
--Climb Machu Picchu

Any other suggestions?

NaNoWriMo Day 1

I obviously won't update every day because that would be just TOO boring.

But I wanted to say, on my first day as a psuedo-novelist, I logged an impressive 2,648 words.

It was a boring day at work.

Bird Flu? The Doctor is IN!

Last night was a Halloween party....due to my creative inabilities when it comes to Halloween costumes (thanks, Mom & Dad for denying me the joy of trick-or-treating), we came up with....Bird Flu. Lame, I know. But the party was fun and the pumpkin lasagna turned out to be delicious (despite my cooking skills!).

NaNoWriMo

Because I am officially insane AND bored, I signed up for NaNoWriMo.

What is NaNoWriMo?
National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

As you spend November writing, you can draw comfort from the fact that, all around the world, other National Novel Writing Month participants are going through the same joys and sorrows of producing the Great Frantic Novel. Wrimos meet throughout the month to offer encouragement, commiseration, and -- when the thing is done -- the kind of raucous celebrations that tend to frighten animals and small children.

In 2005, we had over 59,000 participants. Nearly 10,000 of them crossed the 50k finish line by the midnight deadline, entering into the annals of NaNoWriMo superstardom forever. They started the month as auto mechanics, out-of-work actors, and middle school English teachers. They walked away novelists.

Can't wait! I'm really looking forward to starting---but if anyone has any plot suggestions---pass them along!!

Wedding Fever!

This past weekend, I journied up North to the frozen tundra of CT for my lovely friend Amanda's wedding. I've known Amanda since the start of Freshman Year at William & Mary, so it was truly an honor to stand up with her at her wedding.



It was a beautiful affair, with a gorgeous display of color--both inside the church and out. The flowers were stunning, the leaves burst with color; but of course, nothing eclipsed Amanda and her bridal glow.



So, one more down and three more to go. I do feel like my college GPB friends are marrying at an alarmingly quickly rate compared to others who graduate in our same GPB year.

Dropping Like Flies

Two weddings in less than a year! Three weddings in 1.5 years. Slowly but surely, my college girlfriends and I are dropping like flies to the swat of marriage.....

I'm headed to CT to stand up for my dear friend Amanda.....
Full Report upon my return!

She's Baaaaaaaaack!

Well, the Spare Cat has made a reappearance in our lives. Sadly the couple that adopted her couldn't keep her....

So she's home.

Anyone want a cat?

Goodbye to the WB

Last night was the Farewell Extravaganza for the WB. In case you missed it, for five hours, they showed the series premieres for Felicity, Angel, Buffy and Dawson's Creek.

I have never actually watched an episode of Angel and Buffy (guess vampires weren't my thing?) but I feel like in many ways (as pathetic as this is to admit), I grew up on Felicity and Dawson's Creek. Age-wise, I was right in between Dawson and Felicity.

Watching those first episodes, those kids taking their first tentative steps towards adulthood, reminded me of that time in my life, between adulthood and childhood (and yes, I know this sounds corny). It kind of makes me miss teetering on that edge, so unsure of who I'll be or where I'll go.

So anyways. Goodbye WB.

(Unfortunately, 7th Heaven is still on the air.)

The Only Living Girl in ABQ

Do we ever find our place in life?

I often feel like I'm merely waiting for the next stage in my life to begin. I suppose it is a symptom of the past 24 years of my life, a product of being an almost professional student. As I progressed through degrees, it really became more about finishing up education to begin "real life" or "What I Wanted to Do when I Grew Up" and less about simply living.

Except I'm finally here. I'm grown up for all intents and purposes. Yet I feel like I'm still waiting but I'm not sure exactly what I'm waiting for. I've achieved all the major milestones that psychologists require for adulthood. Completed schooling, income, marriage. On paper I look damn good. You'd hire me.

So why do I feel like I'm still searching? What am I looking towards? What am I passing by on my search? Will I know it when I find it?

At what point do we sit back in our lives and say, "Yes, I've made it. I'm here." Or is it simply part of being human and cerebral that we always have one thumb out, hitching a ride to the next milestone of life, chasing time, until the road runs out?

Catch Up

Sorry it's been a while. Things have been busy in ABQ. Let me fill you in.

A). Friend Sasaki came to visit for a few days on her way to California. We had an amazing adventure involving some natural hot springs, a gorgeous hippy man and some parking lot nudity. Here's a shot from the hotsprings:

Neat, huh?

B). Work sent us to Phoenix to get trained in a special database so I got to go back to my sunny state of Arizona. It was so wonderful to walk off the plane into that blinding sun and heat. I got to see several of my friends who had migrated to Phoenix from Tucson after graduation. It was so nice to see them again, to feel like a normal person with friends, someone to call after work. I cried a little when the plane's wheels left the ground, heading towards ABQ. I don't know when I'll be back again.

C). Currently the New Mexico State Fair is consuming my life. Work has a vendor booth where we sit and hand out fliers about our programs for hours at a time. I don't know that I've been to a state fair back East, but this one is very....cowboy. Like, real cowboy. EVERYWHERE. With tall thin men in tight jeans, wearing hats wider than they walking with women in tapered-leg jeans and hair almost as large as the cowboy hat. It's so....Western?

So this is currently my life. I miss home so accutely, like punch in my stomach.
I just want to go home.