Saturday, October 30, 2004

Heartbreak Hotel

So yeah. It's over. Two years, officially, 100%, completely and totally, absolutely, finito, done. Ouch, you know? Talk about stinging.

We had matching computers, matching cars, matching lives. Or so I thought.

I went out self-medicating last night, and stumbled in last night courtesy of my taxi Kevin sometime after 2.

I always have lucid dreams, always. And I always remember them. This morning when I woke up, the first thing I thought was, "That motherfucker." I was seething with anger and hate, it was radiating through my pores (somewhat like the alcohol was). And I was angry because of my dream.

I dreamed that my beloved had found another woman and that was the real reason he was leaving behind like yesterday's newspaper. This woman, she was very short and asian, also kept a blog and I had read it. She purposefully went after him, ruthlessly, knowing that he had a girlfriend. I got so mad I ripped some photos up and stomped around his apartment throwing shit.

So I woke up angry at him and this unknown woman (perhaps a metaphor for med school or Arizona?). I hate waking up angry after hateful dreams.

But maybe anger is better than pure sadness.

1 comment:

aubs said...

depression is just anger without enthusiasm. im not really sure if that is supposed to help or not but keep this in mind, you are way too young to become bitter and cynical. it has happened to younger (cough, cough) and it really just makes life that much harder. i say go with that new musical obsession and enjoy some good mopey emo music. i can name a few bands you might like, just drop me a line and let me know. point being, im sorry you are hurting and i love you all the way from norfolk.