On Saturday, after a profitable trip to Walmart where I purchased a digital camera (YAY! Now I can have more photos of my cats!), I drove by a tattoo parlor next to Tucson Furniture, where I had purchased my desk, mattress and table with such hope and promise. I pulled in the parking lot and turned the engine off. Waited a beat. Went inside. And pierced my nose.
I don't know what came over me, a moment of temporary craziness or frustration.
But as the needle went through my nostril, the pain was so acute, it took just a little of the heartache away. I'm sure it's a means of coping, or some such pyschobabblebullshit. But feeling physical pain, instead of just internal hurt, made me feel stronger, more in control. It hurts being left behind, being told that the future I had thought so certain may not be so.
I know a nose ring won't solve my problems, won't make my life right again, but as I feel the hole in my nose healing, I feel the hole in my heart starting to close, just a little. Just a little.