Even though I was an hour late to work this morning, had problems with computers and FedEx, I'm not going to bitch. Today is my goddmamn birthday--the start of Advent and Christmas.
I spoke with my ex-beloved for an hour today. Things are right between us again--as right as they can be for two people struggling through a breakup to find a balance between loving and hating. We both cried and I know he cares. And of course I still care. Although I can no longer speak for us both in absolute certainity, the conversation was theraputic, I think. It made our breakup more real to me. It made moving on more real to me. And most importantly, the conversation made me realize that despite my hurt and anger at him, he did the right thing. We are both happier now as separate entities than as one.
And my birthday. I've gotten emails, IMs and phone calls all day from friends across the country wishing me a wonderful day, telling me they're thinking of me, that they love me.
When I left my house today, I found someone had taped the words, "Happy Birthday Elisabeth" across the windshield and rear window of my car. I couldn't stop smiling. How wonderful to have people love you that much.
When I got to my client's house this afternoon, his mother told me that he'd been excited for a week about my birthday and together they had made brownies for me. And bought me little presents--including a hot pink matchbox car (pink being my favorite color). I was so amazed that they both cared enough to want to make my birthday special since I'm so far from home.
The last few days have been rough. Computer problems, lack of sleep, my ex-beloved, end of semester stress have all compounded to make my life seem rather unmanageable. But today I've been on the verge of tears the entire day--not because I'm stressed but because I'm touched so deeply by the people in my life here in Tucson and from home.
After the hardest year of my life, the year I thought I may never pull out of, the year I almost crashed and burned, I've realized I may have terrible karma with paperwork and minor stresses, but I have luck with friends. I am truly blessed by the gods for the people in my life. And I have to ask the question, how did the most unlucky girl get so lucky?
Thank you all. I love you more than you will ever know.